My Story
A Story Only God Could Write
I was only 15 when I was introduced to trauma— the kind of trauma that can strip you of simple, child-like faith. I think back to her, teenage me. She was so young. She knew the Lord was watching her, so she did everything she could to make Him proud. If she followed all His rules, everything would be ok, right? It was when I was only 15 that I began to discover that the world plays by different rules– and that sometimes, members of the church play by the world’s rules, too.
My mental health story is a long one. It goes well beyond “church hurt.” In many ways, it is a story of grief and years of loneliness. Upheaval. That is a much better word to describe that season. My life has truly never been the same since.
I never lost my faith in the Lord during my mental health journey, though that's not to say I was ever too far above it. I began needing Him just to get through the day, my closest and dearest Friend. I became comfortable asking Him hard questions. He drew me nearer. In the pages of my journals stretching years back, I wrote prayers to Him, penning my every painful thought and question. Journaling became therapy for me. I still treasure those pages of pained teenage me. I have since cried over them as I have healed. She was hurt, she was young, but the Lord was so good to her through it all. His goodness in those pages are testimonies to me even now.
Little did I know in that fragile season, the Lord was writing a much bigger story than I could have imagined. And I have a feeling that the Disentangle Journal is only the beginning.
-Macaela, Artist and Creator of Manna in the Wilderness
